Growing up in Italy, I learned to be “superstitious”.

When things are going well, you simply can’t talk about it – we believe to “jinx it” and ruin such blessing if we do so. When someone start saying something like “I’ve been feeling so great lately” it’s usually met with a choir of “shhhhhhhh”, many would also touch certain body parts as a way to push the jinx away. It’s so dumb, but we all do it there!

On the other hand, talking about “misfortune”, judging and complaining is instead quite accepted and normal.

Living in the US for now 20 years, I unlearned some of this conditioning. About 5 years ago I started developing my spirituality with meditation, read books about the power of the spoken word, how thoughts and feelings shape our life and destiny – rather than life being a bunch of unrelated casual events. Obviously everyone has their own take on this, but I genuinely wanted to improve my life and no matter where I searched about the how, I seemed to encounter this recurrent statement: it starts with the individual and what you believe becomes your reality.

For a long time all these concepts remained theoretical, seldomly applied to daily life. I found myself still dreaming about the day love would find me, or something “big” would happen. I, for the most part, had my eyes closed on some things and open for others, sort of like a selective attention, like we all have. It was easier to focus on lack, repeating old patterns, being guided by fear or the anxiety that would greet me daily, through different waves of intensity. But like many things in life, mini shifts also started to happen. I started to pay more attention – both to when I wasn’t feeling well and when I was feeling great. In some way, I started to not behave like life was a matter of absolutes but a constant flow of changes, and control was something I could exercise on myself, my body, training, business, but a lot of the control I craved to possess over other aspects of life was just an illusion.

To keep things short, I’d like to sum up what has made life great for me so far (it only took 40 years to figure it out) and I’ll put in parenthesis what each point represents to me.

Emotional freedom (freedom).

I remember one day, talking to a friend on the phone. She sounded so excited about her work project and went on talking about it with an enthusiasm I felt envious about because, on the other end of the line, it was me: a messy ball of overthinking, unable to focus on anything but one guy. So many times I felt my mind trapped in loops and tangled up emotions. I envied my friend’s emotional freedom in that moment.

I understand why people, after recovering from heartbreak, sometimes choose aloneness. The pain of emotional bondage and attachment has left some deep scars in my being as well, as I spent many years at the mercy of chasing love or trying to change someone. It has never worked and has drained me like nothing else. I’ve learned nothing is more important of having peace of mind and yet it has not closed me up – just gave me a better insight on what kind of experience I want to have when engaging with someone else.

Knowing what I want and do it unapologetically (clarity).

I spent years justifying my actions or hiding, with a tendency for people pleasing. I’d lie about how much I’d train because people would think I was excessive. I had eating disorders because I felt I had no control over my life and that would give me some sense of control. I felt like I was watching life passing by from a window – an observer, frozen, unable to get out there and do this “life thing”. With time, I started being more unapologetic and followed what I loved, despite others questioning it. It was the best thing I ever done, because it paved the way to a life I enjoy and are grateful for today.

Financial freedom (independence).

A while ago, a friend reported a comment she heard from someone I knew. They were saying that there was “no way” I was able to make a living only from coaching (they thought I had a secret Only Fans or something). At first I was offended, not because I judge who does OF, but mostly because it implied I wasn’t able to take care of myself unless using my body in some other way. After that, I actually got quite happy at the realization that yes, I was able to be fully independent financially doing a job I loved (coaching).

Work that doesn’t feel like work (enjoyment, purpose).

This is an extension of what I said above. By following what I loved to do, I created a career out of it. I don’t buy that in life you have to struggle endlessly to “make it” (maybe a little in the beginning). Work can be a result of something you do, you pour yourself into, you believe in. From good things come good things, from doing something you love you’ll help others or at least inspire them. Work could and should bring enjoyment and purpose too, beside a steady income.

Environment (support).

At first, moving back to Miami from Vegas in 2017 was hard. Miami felt hostile: difficult to navigate relationships and connect, flashy and superficial, too humid, crowded, transient. What changed from then? Nothing lol. I did. I love Miami today. I love the quality of life I can have here, all that it offers, I can pick what experience I want to have, I can be having dinner at the latest flashiest restaurant or I can be home on my balcony with my squirrel friends staring into the distance. I also got to meet great people and friends here (it did take time). I still get quietly excited when at the airport I roll my carry on toward the gate and looking up I read “Miami”. It still does it to me!

Discipline and routine (structure).

I said this endless times: Discipline is what allows freedom to exist. A classic life’s paradox that never gets old, it really explains that if you can’t structure yourself – your habits, behavior, work etc – you’ll never be free, you’ll have to rely on some other external structure (society). So to me being disciplined, structured, postpone gratification is a very fair price to pay in order to live the life you want.

Letting people be themselves (acceptance).

Talking about freedom… this has been huge. A major release of energy happens when you stop trying to change others and accept what is. All that energy used to think, talk, explain, convince, prove your point… all of a sudden comes back to yourself. There is infinite power in letting people be – and I don’t mean give up on being heard or state your emotions, you can and should be able to do that. What I mean is the best connections in life are not forced, but rather flow.

Sitting back (trust).

Keeping it short here: there are times for doing and times for non doing. Learn when it’s time for each and life will get sweet.

Appreciating simple things (simplicity).

I’m one of those people that can get excited about small things. Waking up to a really blue sky. The hot Miami sun at 1pm. A cute bird sitting on a fence. A good song that start playing at the grocery store. The more I notice, the more I thank, the more comes. I experienced really unexpected surprises this summer and I believe it’s all from my habit of appreciating small things! It’s easy to have a good day if you can find 2-3 things to enjoy even on the most normal day ever.

Daily practice (devotion).

I like to start the day with a small practice to set my intentions. It can be journaling, a short walk, meditation, sitting on my balcony watching birds with my coffee, reading a couple pages of a book. Even when I have less inspiring days, lower energy days, sad days, I try to maintain this practice to stay “connected” with life despite the mind wanting to get on the phone or rushing toward what I gotta take care of for the day.

So here it is, most of the shifts I made that transformed my life for the better. What about you? What would you add to this list?

Till next time,

Sofia