A couple days ago I woke up in the middle of the night. I got up, walked to the kitchen and looked at the clock on the stove (I don’t sleep close to my phone). 3 am. Wtf.

I went back to sleep, and between being awake and falling asleep, this came to mind: “Pain needs its home. It’s not your body”.

When I woke up in the morning, I remembered that phrase…Pain needs its home.

I always believed that things materialize and dissolve from and into the same place. All things come, all things go. Some stay longer, but they’re always transforming.

I thought about physical pain, which is something that has been visiting my body the past two years, something foreign to me, because fortunately my body had rarely felt it. Pain can take hold of the body, how long it stays though, I think it’s in our power. I do believe it eventually needs to go, like an unwanted visitor, and find its home somewhere else – its definite place, because it’s not the body, the body wants health and balance, that’s its default state.

Like many other things I identify myself with, pain isn’t one of them. I don’t believe pain belongs to me. It must leave, after it served it purpose, which as difficult as it can be, I’m starting to understand what it is (a newfound appreciation for health, a deepening of my practice and possible career shift).

Since focusing on healing these past years, a lot has changed. Surprisingly, after an initial time of frustration and depression, I’ve been feeling mentally and spiritually strong. I’ve found a new focus, a new determination, a new drive. Because that’s who I am, I’m strong, resilient and disciplined, that’s what I’ve learned about myself.

I rearranged my week and training schedule, focusing first and foremost on rehab. I tighten up my nutrition, my sleep, my supplementation. Most of all I returned to my spiritual practice: my attention is sharper, my mind is in order, I know what thoughts I want to focus on. I spend more time reading and journaling. I felt a new pull into being on my own – when I feel like this my focus turns inward and I become more solitary.

So it’s funny but when I felt physically at my best, I took it a bit for granted, I wasn’t this focused. I wanted to keep advancing and improving, but on most days I also felt bored and in my head about other things. Now paradoxically I am doing a lot less interest training work and I do miss the intense sessions, but my mind is calmer and absorbed into what needs to be done.

So if you’ve also dealt with pain, I promise you, it’s not forever. Have an unbreakable trust in your body, do the right work, stay focused and don’t listen to other people’s stories, theirs isn’t yours. Make your story how you want it. And pain will finds its home.