*Disclaimer* I’m going to be a bit judgy here and make generalizations. Also saying deep truths a lot of Miamians would agree on, but aren’t willing to admit. Read along if you dare!

I lived in Miami for a total of 14 years. I swear for how beautiful this city is, something really unexpected sucks: the perception of what fun is (and let’s be honest, the people aren’t helping lol).

Alright, I might be talking from the perspective of someone who’s left her twenties for a while now, but funny enough I didn’t think the nightlife scene was any better 10 years ago.

This is, in summary, what sucks about Miami’s nightlife:

You think there are so many choices, but in fact there aren’t. To this day, the only clubs that have stood the test of time are Space, Liv and (even if it’s a more recent club) Eleven. In a city like Miami, it really leaves not many choices. Everything else is restaurants or bars, some of them trying to be clubs at the same time. The experience is always the same, just a different paint color on the wall.

If you want to blow your whole month salary, go out a couple nights in any Miami restaurant. It’s not uncommon to spend 150$ minimum per person, without drinks.

Let’s be honest: reggaeton sucks. And you’ll find plenty of that music here😂. The lack of musical variety is mind boggling. Very little room for hip hop and R&B, some EDM, but Latin music just reigns sadly undisputed.

Nobody is outside to have fun or actually meet people, rather film how “cool” their life is. There isn’t much else to say. People just don’t seem to be having fun honestly, they’re quite occupied making content or getting drunk, hoping to feel something (or not). I might be exaggerating, but go see for yourself ahah.

The men/women ratio is 1/10 (men might like that, but women not so much). Men seem to have escaped planet earth in Miami, the only place you can find them is at the gym. Women wearing their birthday suits (I recently learned this term) minimally covered, hungry for attention, to then disdain it if it’s not getting them something in return (entitlement is king around here, just like beauty is transactional – and I won’t talk about Miami beauty standards…).

Places open and close unexpectedly, so if you find a place you like, forget about finding it again. That’s just how we roll here. Enjoy it till you can!

For a long time I battled with myself about being more of a night person. After realizing the above mentioned, I came to the conclusion I’d get more out of dancing in my living room rather than trying to have a good night in one of the “top rated cities to have fun” in the world.

Last week I left Miami and went to a tiny island in the Caribbean Sea. I wasn’t looking for fun necessarily, I wanted a different experience, if anything. Maybe there is something to be said about leaving the place you live in: you arrive somewhere with a different energy, that’s how many people visiting Miami must feel, they must not detect the bullshit because they got their eyes on finding the beauty of it all (Miami can be perfect for a weekend, don’t get me wrong, that’s not enough time to realize what’s going on anyway).

Well bottom line I had a blast at tiny island bars, talking to people, laughing, connecting, listening to their stories, meeting the locals, listening to live music. The same exact experience happened to me last year when visiting another island as well, we ended up at a village party with locals and tourists, it was a blast. What amazed me the most was the energy of everyone’s there. Not boring, stuck up people, not extravagant restaurants, over the top bottle service, absurd tipping policies (if you know, you know). Pfff maybe I’m just different. I love my Miami, but nightlife here ain’t it. Go to Vegas if anything, I lived there 6 years, that’s where the real entertainment and party scene is at, in my opinion.

Hope you enjoyed my rant and if you come to my city well, don’t ask me where to go at night, I might be on a Caribbean island instead.