Since Only Fans has exploded (roughly 4 years ago), I’ve been asked several time if I had an account, from mainly men fans, following me on Instagram. If you’re not familiar with what Only Fans is, well, is a platform where you share “exclusive content”, technically anything you want, but 90% of the time is of sexual nature, and so if you open an account and charge a monthly fee, people are going to have some expectations on what you’re showing.

Given my free spirited, comfortable with sexuality nature, I wasn’t surprised people asked me about it. To be honest, for years I’ve been posting quite provocative pictures at times, I’m comfortable in a bikini, I’m creative, I got a killer body 😏, and I am low key a bit of an exhibitionist.

Since my twenties I lived between Vegas and Miami, danced in nightclubs, I’d say I wore a bikini as often as a lawyer wears a suit. I did dance topless at some clubs – but the beauty of back then was that, once outside of the club’s door, nobody would know. There were no phones allowed on the floor, nobody was posting a thing, I had my little secret and I loved it. 2009- 2016 circa, those were the days.

Now there is no room for secrets. Everything is filmed, photographed, there are stripper tutorials on YouTube, vlogs, nothing is a tabu anymore. And so anything you put online, unlike when you’d go to the club and leave, is out there to stay. It seems easy, as you are in the comfort of your home taking a picture or a video, instead of in a VIP Room with a stranger at 4 am in the morning. But because when something is online is forever, you’re giving away a piece of yourself you can’t take back, you’re giving away more than you realize.

And so fast forward to yesterday, I was about to sign with this agency that manages Only Fans accounts, which I got in contact with through someone and to be honest initially it felt like a good idea. I did want to try, I did want to monetize on something I was “already doing” (kitchen dances on my IG stories, anyone?) and it felt like an opportunity I did not explore yet, and I thought “you don’t know it till you try it” kinda thing.

I had two meetings with the agency and they sounded really professional and knowledgeable, they basically manage everything for you and you just have to send content weekly (the more the better). They deal with creepy DMs, requests, captions, collaborations and so on. They do keep 50% of what you make though in the beginning, after the Only Fans platform keeps 20% (they’d have to start from zero with me so it made sense, yet I calculated this would take time and work on both ends to make real profit, which I consider anything over at least a net 1-2 grand a month!)

After going through a thorough interview, I realized there was no way to keep this a fun, enjoyable, artistic outlet for me: and that is what drives all I do. Artistry is killed when it become commerce. Artistry works in the context of creating without caring about outcome (what people wanna see) and income (money driven). And I’ve always been very protective of my artistry and creativity, which come with a big dose of feeling free. If I do what you expect me to and because you’re paying for it, you are cutting my wings off. Nothing kills inspiration more than being forced to create on a timeline. And it’s a real challenge to keep things from taking a more explicit turn (to each his own), as people seem to keep pushing their boundaries to make more money (fuck art!)

And so after chatting with a close friend who happened to have experienced the Only Fans world… I had my answers. It was a no, coming from deep within.

I’m not here to collect claps on how good I am for turning down something it had the potential of bringing me great money. I just value other things, more than money. I value integrity, staying true to myself, my privacy (now more than ever), my mental and emotional health, which as a dancer has been tested quite often in the past.

I, most of all… am tired to lead with my beauty alone. This war on staying young at all costs, the belief that women lose “value” as they age, I’ve gotten so sick of it. I want to be healthy, strong, flexible, happy, looking good – sure, but more as a consequence of a loving lifestyle, rather than a set standard to be reached at all costs. And don’t get me wrong, I’m not against a little filler here and there, but us women need desperately to relax some and be allowed to age in peace.

I love myself more now, and I’ve gotten wiser, insightful, emotionally intelligent and mature, I speak my boundaries and I have created a coaching business that I’m proud of and want to dedicate my full attention to.

I’m still going to enjoy my beauty and my art making, at my own terms and with who I want to. My body and mind are done proving their worth through exclusively looks. Something has changed in how I view things from like 10 years ago, and rightfully so.

So this is my why, but it could be totally different for you. Honestly if Only Fans or anything of that nature feels good, it can be right for you, and for the time being you might enjoy it and save money off it. My message is mostly about this: listen to your inner voice and sometimes taking the harder decision paves the way for something greater ahead.